Partial
Monday, 22 August, 2005
Kids, | 笔者: Twinsmom
This is a picture taken in front of my dad’s cake shop, around the year of 1973/74.
Me and my 1st younger sister, no, not Earthtone, Earthtone is my 2nd younger sister.
In my memory my childhood after my father open the bakery in PJ was a very lonely childhood.
My mom have to go back to Singapore quite often, Earthtone not yet born, even though after she was born most of the time she was in Singapore.
The time before we move to PJ, I have a lot of friends in Pudu. My parent rent a room in a big courtyard house, a lot of kids there, play together, the elder will look after the younger, I still have a lot of black and white photos taken during that time, with my young friends.
After moved to PJ I felt so lonely, YS1 still under the care of the nanny, who still staying in Pudu. Later on even though she not under nanny’s care anymore, because of the strong bond in between the nanny and YS1, nanny still asked her hubby to come to the bakery pick up my sister, for jalan-jalan or even went outstation.
I always being left behide, may be not enough seat in the car, nanny have three preteen then, and also a granny, so couldn’t fit in more people I guess.
I still remember there was once, the adults trick me go to the back of the bakery so my sister can leave without me knowing, but then not success, I came out and saw my sister got into the car, I cried and chase, they never stop.
The scene still haunting me today.
Because of this memory I always try my very best to be fair to the girls, I don’t want them to feel they being left behide, not once, because once can goes on for life time.
I don’t understand some parent can admit they being partial to one or some of their own kids.
We was asked which of the girls we love more before, when we said we don’t particularly love one of them, we love both, he was in disbelieve: “How can? sure you will feel more closer to one of them…”
But no, we don’t, we seriously can’t tell who we love more. Sometime when one of them being so naughty, I still don’t find the other who are well behave more likable.
There are parent who did, Twinsdad told me before how her mother kept the food for his eldest and youngest brother, and left nothing, or may be not the best for him and his 2nd elder brother. They came home after school found nothing on the table, when they tried to take the kept away food, being scolded by my MIL.
Guess this is something haunting Twinsdad too.
And my friend too, she said her parent bought her all the nice stuff, but her sisters can only use those hand-me-down, and when she felt bad and let her sisters use hers, her parent will punish the sisters, but never she herself kena.
I don’t have any particular way to take care of the twins, just manja sayang, and punish when needed. But still there are always someone ask:
“Who you like more? Isabelle or Annabelle?”
“Do you get a book to learn how to take care of the feeling of the twins.”
“Twins have different feeling from the singlet, the kids psychologist say…” yada yada yada… how the h*ll the parent taking care of their twins before the kids psychologist was born?
One is my left eye, one is my right eye, may be I’m short sighted, one eye .3 and one eye .4, but I treat them equally, I don’t wear a spec with different side, nobody does. Both eye also important to me, if I closed one eye I can never focus and string a needle, I need both eyes.
Just to write this down, one day when my girls read it, they will know mommy never partial to either one of them, there is no “I love her, but…”
No “but” in the love, otherwise I am a butt.
a very touching post. I know how it feels to be left out. Although my parents always say that treat everyone fair but there is always the biasness over there
Hey..Twinsmom,
This is so well written..i was just thinking about the same thing with my family too.. where my mom got favourites..!! I honestly didn’t dare to write about it.. because i didn’t want ppl to think i was crazy.. hahahah!! that parents can be biased.. and one big and one small eye.. hahha!!
Your twins are definitely blessed..to have a mom and dad like you and your spouse.
Twinsmom…you almost make me cry…so touching! I have similar experince…..being left out and I really know the feeling of not able to follow the adult out!
That’s why I am so reluctant to get 2nd child, so afraid that I will repeat the same mistake of my mother. But now I know it’s definitely possible to have equal love! Thanks!
Twins are very lucky!
My parents love me and bro both equally, which i am very grateful. This is easy when you have 1 girl and 1 boy. However,if you have 2 girls or 2 boys and 1 naughtier than the other, i guess its rather difficult. But, i do agree with you that you should share the love equally. It can be pretty hurtful if the kids find out about the biased love. I actually know of a twin babies. The prettier one always gets more attention and better gifts from family members. I feel so angry for that eventhough its got nothing to do with me.
I think having in the know that parent love your siblings more than you will cast a permanent scar in you.
However, is hard to be equal all the time. So I guess is best that we try to control our feelings and never tell any of our kids who we like best
I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve written… I love both of my darlings all the same but sadly someone dear is partial
and that makes me very piss about it
when i was young, i always asked my mom, which one of us, you sayang most? she replied, “all the same”. at that time, i couldn’t understand her. how can a person love so many people the same?
now, when i have 2 of my own, i understood her. i love them the same.
Ic3_qu3en,
my dad did admit he is more toward me than my YS1, because he felt so many ppl sayang my sister already, he mah sayang me more lor :lol:.
only after become parent will know I guess :).
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Big Bok, I found our paernt generation tend to have this kind of partiality to their children, but in our generation it become less cases, don’t you think so?
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Jefferene, I don’t think we will repeat the same mistake like our last generation, we all learn from the pass right? so go ahead have the 2nd one :D.
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Fashionasia, yah, agree, the prettier wan usual get more well treated :(. But not only in parenting right? in the society also what.
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egghead, my dad told me he tried to control his feeling to me and my YS1 too, but still my YS1 can feel our dad sayang me more, guess it is something not easy to achieve :D.
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DG, yah…what those people have to say tht? may be they like to see other sibling fighting gua
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miche, at that time, i couldn’t understand her. how can a person love so many people the same?
I have to tell you that…
that…..
that…..
that….
U are older than me…:D
jr, wait lar…you work like tht, soon or later you will be older than me
.
I cried and chase, they never stop.
Really pity…….*sob*
My girl is 5 years older than my boy. I admit I do treat them differently (treat, not love-ah!). I expect more from her because she is bigger. I am more protective about him because he is younger. Will she think I love him more because I take care of him more now??
My da-jie is/was my ba-ba’s obvious favourite. Only my dh knows how much heartache I endured as I was growing up. Now my da-jie has migrated away (7 yrs already) and we hardly see her (maybe 2-3 time a year, and most of the time with her dh’s family). My children are closest to their grandparents because I take the trouble to take them to visit (unlike my er-jie and 2 kids who stays nearer but goes to church more often..).
I hope by spending time with my ba-ba, he will realise that I am as good a daughter as my da-jie. But, since I have become a mother, I have accepted that my father may always have his favourite (most of the time anyway!) and there’s nothing much I can do about it! What to do…
Kat, I am the ealdest in the family too, and I can feel my dad did care oabout me more than my second sister. and my 2nd sister did express her sadness about my father being partial, but now? she is the one who live with my parent after her divoiced. and I only meet my parent once a week or twice a month.
Thanks for sharing, this is something to keep myself to remember always try to be to my girls.
I think HY(hope I didn’t remember the wrong name, again :oops:) can understand, may be not now, but when she more grown up and when the time she understand what is resposibility being a big sister, then she will know better.