Don’t scold them, they are not my kids
Monday, 3 April, 2006
Parenting | 笔者: Twinsmom
Today I did something I never did before, or too long I never do it so I forgot I done that before — be extremely patient to Isabelle.
Isabelle is a very clingy girl, a lot of time she can quietly lay on the sofa drink her water for half an hour, like into some deep thought. But once she “awoke” from her “meditation”, she can be very clingy and annoying, the way she uses to get attention from me.
How annoying? For example, she came to me staring at me, then makes a very sad look, as usual I will ask her what happen? Instead of tell me what is wrong, or what she wants, she will just stand or sit on the floor, keeps quiet. But if I walk away, she will start “aa….a.a.a.a…..aaa……” just make the noise with her body go up and down. If I ask her what she exactly want, she will just ‘ee… a.a. ee…..eee…….” noise only, she wants to be carry, but just don’t say it.
If I am not doing anything at that moment I can carry her to the sofa, sit down talk to her. But if she start this on the time I am cooking or cleaning, the time I really couldn’t make myself free, then I can get very frustrated by hearing she keep yiyiwoowoo in that way, I will scold and she will cry.
And especially when she woke up from napping in the afternoon, keeps moaning and not talking. If that time so happen to be the time for meal, she will just moans louder and refuse to eat. And a lot of time when this happen, same, she will get scolded and eat her meal with the tear rolling down from her eye.
For some people who read this, they might copy and paste some tips from the parenting book, and tell me she just need attention, what I need to do just give her some time, cuddle her and talk to her, instead of make her cry. Pardon me, this is one of the “in my shoe” situation which I hate people tell me what to do.
Then there was one of the morning, she did it again, after woke up at 8am, saw me sleeping with Annabelle, she started moaning. I told her to get her water bottle, come to me (because Annabelle was sleeping on my arm then), instead of do so, she just keeps moaning louder. I keep repeat saying the same, she just keeping in the same action. In the end I got up and carry her to my chest, but then she fuss about her water bottle and moaning again! Whao… got me fussed and I start scolding her. And we two woke Twinsdad up. We both tried to figure out what, and how to handle her, but in the end just roundup the matter with cane.
After that morning, during a casual chatting with Twinsdad, we brought this up again, after some thought and talk, he said “may be should treat our kids like other’s kids.” I was blur that time “Hah? you mean don’t care about them too much?”
He said: “No, because we don’t scold and cane other’s kids.” Yup, he is right. We can tolerant other kids moaning, we can be very patient to talk to them, we never scold them and cane them. But then why can’t we treat out kids that way?
I trying to.
So this afternoon after shopping, they both napping in their gu-ma’s room, I went down stair look after them when gu-ma had left for dinner function. Around 6pm, both of them woke up, and Isabelle slighty wet her pants, so I carry her to up stair and clean her, through out the whole time she just keeps doing her best on moaning. I keep talking to her in soft tone, and she just repeat with “no!” “don’t want!” and highly uncooperate. I just keep my cool, treat her like someone else, talk to her again and again, get her to looks at my eye, make sure she pay attention and listen to me.
After cleaned her I carry her to the sofa, she sipping water and closed her eye. I had no idea is she wants to sleep again or just sulking. I just proceed to do what I need to do — feeding them dinner. Since she closed her eye, I just feeding Annabelle. After Annabelle almost finish half of their meal, she starts peeping at me behide the cushion. then I made some fun with her by saying “I see you…” “I know you see me…” she getting warm up, then slowly she ask for meal.
No scolding and no threaten with cane, even later when she wet the floor and her pants by sitting near the potty; next to the bathroom door (waiting for me finish bathing), I still keep cool and calm. Asked her why she did that, get her look at my eye, get her to answer me not to do it again.
I happy with I have done, I hope I can remind myself from time to time “They are my child, love them, love them, love them. But when they misbehave, treat them like other’s kids.”
Wow..!! what a cool advise..!! thanks..! will try that too. .coz’ i am exactly like that with chloe..!
Talk and talk.. still no result.. and then kenna spanking.. and then i feel bad.. so doesn’t really work out.. but now with your tip.. i will try that..
thanks..!
做人父母真是不容易。。。
其实我觉得主要是贯彻你的行动和宗旨，不要随便改变，不然就会confuse她们的判断能力和价值观。。。
not giving advised ha, don’t hate me ha!(my chinese pen not working lah, no write in Cantonese)
I am sure all parent are facing the same problem like yours.
We are not born to be a mother, did not go to school to learn how to be an efficient mother, or know how to solve problem, there is really no formula no rules.
We are learning as we goes along. Some already see the result what method they use are effective, but we are still exploring how to be a mother,yet everyday is a challengs.I took challenge like this to train my EQ.
How would I like to be treated when comes problem, be patient and talk it over?? It works today, might not tommorrow. then, when you lost track, there goes your EQ..you know your child best. You know what to do, is the matter of what you willing to give.
Practise make perfect!
What you have done is really great,Fanstastic result. Keep it up. P/s: This problem still challenge me, still working hard on it, still have my bad day, afterall, I am human, not 神!.
hehe… if you wanna let go of stim… let it off on Twinsdad in case you buay tahan and explode liao… since he suggested it… LOL!
We also try our best to “negotiate” with our son the best we could… maybe that’s why our son talk so much… but there are still times where one of us buay tahan and raise our voice or smack his backside a bit…
I guess that’s what makes us human afterall
For me,usually cane in my hand if naughty only.For behavior,first talk with them.Tell them no more next time.Give a second change then.Third,a change (Last).Forth..Cane.
Usually we use “negotiate”.Is the best.Sometime I explain to them,everyone have a limit to tolelate.Don’t over board like that lol.
Errr.. wonder how long you can keep it up leh? Hehehe. Just teasing you lah. But its a good idea. Mind if I curi it?
glad u have found ur way to handle ur Isabelle.
echo blogie-talkie, this method always useful to my Xuan when he just awake from nap and early in the morning, but NOT when he is being naughty eg throwing or destroying stuffs. when Xuan behave badly, I can’t just ‘talk’ him to become good boy, he needs cane.
For me, I think I need to use cane liao, as Wien nowadays very 刁蛮！before this I only scold her, seem like this method no use anymore
my son likes to ee-ee-aa-aa, sometimes I just try to shut my eyes until my mum asked whether I’m deaf or not. haha
If the kids can understand themself, learn what they did is right or wrong themself, then it is very good. Haha. Cane is just a quick solution of solving problem, isnt it? You wont dare to beat them or beat them hard, their pain in their ass is equal to 2 times pain in your heart.
havent thought of that before. not easy hor?
At least you managed to try it out. I don’t think I have the patience.
You so sayang other people’s kids..
Other people’s kids I just tell their mummies, “Eh, your kid not behaving, I kao-mm-tim!” or if she wet her pants, “eh, your kid shu-shu in the pants, can you change her”
But if my own kid, I have to ‘kang’ woh.. no matter how naughty, dirty, messy she is.
I think I have more patient with my own then others.
hi, thanks all for your encouragement, and advice, wll keep in mind.
this is really a love and hate relationship sometime :D.
Parenting Guide Chapter 3..verse 9… *Throw away the guide*. Do whatever is necessary. Huh? What is that? Is in you, it is called maternal instinct. Children does have their ups and downs.
ooooo..i know what you mean that day i leave your house..haha.Same here but i no patient to talk all over again and again till no tomorow and he still the same. You can see that day, right?? I need cane then he will stop moaning.
Maria, every child is different, just do it ur way.